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Week 8 [21.05-27.05.2018] How to speak to be listened

How often you were talking  for some time only to find out nobody was actually listening to you? Some people have something in them that focuses attention of people around him and some have problem to get a word in edgeways. Julian Treasure in his presentation tells what you should and should not do while speaking in order to be listened.
Questions:

  1. Do you have problems in being listened by others often?
  2. Which sin you most often commit and which you hate the most?
  3. Have you tried similar tips before? Have they worked?

Comments

Unknown said…
If I do find out someone is not paying attention and there is no point to waste my time I quit the conversation.

I guess I've done all of them already but it's quite reassuring I could point out some of the sins myself.

It's hard to change a habit but it's worth trying to kill the worst ones. I do speak to people differently than I was few years before.
Jakub Nietupski said…
I think that usually I don't have problems in communicating my ideas when I speak directly to a given person, but often when I'm participating in a group discussion I feel like you have to force your way to express your opinion and I most likely won't want to do that.
I feel that too often I fell into the trap of speaking negatively on a given subject instead of trying to provide useful critique.
I haven't try to involve any techniques when I'm speaking because I always am too focused on what I'm saying that I couldn't think about using some additional tricks.
Iman Masjedi said…
If someone who is talking has interning topic for talking, I always listen carefully to his words.
I think it's better if someone before say something think about it well, the words are much more concise but more appealing. Of course, you should always consider the age, the literacy and the perception of the listener either in speaking .
Unknown said…
I would only have problems in being listened with people who don't want to speak with me and will avoid conversation. If your opinion is valuable for another person you will always be a focus of attention.
It is hard for me to answer this question because I usually evaluate myself from my own point of view. I think that people who I talk to most will be able to point out mistakes I make in conversations.
No, I did not. But I think those tips might come in handy in some common situations.
Filip Sawicki said…
1. I guess everybody has that problem from time to time. It all depends on the situation and people you’re talking to. Fortunately there are couple of tricks that allow to overcome this lack of communication.
2. The most common sin I commit is usually thinking more about the content and less about a way to express it. This is also the thing I hate the most, but I’m working on improving that!
3. Yes I’ve tried and they are always worth it. I have participated in couple of public speaking trainings which I fully recommend.
I can't say that I find it difficult when I speak directly to a person but when there is a bunch of people it happens quite some time. Mostly it's because of number of people and the noise that they make but most probably it is because of my "sins in speaking" as well.

Most probably I commit every single sin because I have never payed attention to it. How can I hate any if I commit every single one? :) Actually this video made me realize that it's not so hard to sound more seriously and these tips actually work. It should just become a habit and people will pay more attention to you.

No, I have never even heard about it before. To my humble opinion, every single tip should work.
Unknown said…
1. I think that no, it is not possible to just pretend. Once a person believes in himself, his movements will themselves show this confidence.
2. Yes, I give time to the body language. I listen to what my subconscious tells me. For example, I may be unsure of something, or I do not like my interlocutor. If something does not suit me in my movements, I find the reason and change the attitude.
3. Yes, of course, already tried.
Jakub Lisicki said…
I don't usually have a problem with being listened by the others. Even though I am fully aware that I am not the best speaker, I still manage to somehow catch the atention from other people. Maybe the people who are around just got better at listening?
The thing mentioned in the video that irritates me the most is probably gossip. I hate it when people don't have enough courage to tell the others what do they think and instead spread the rumors. The sin that I commit the most.... I'm not really comfortable with saying that out loud - or writing, in this case.
I have tried some of the things that are said to improve how we are perceived by the others. I think that the most crucial thing is to be ourselves. Let's just not be one of these fake people which are completely different on the surface and on the inside.
Honestly, i would say that it is a problem when you meet "bad" listeners, who are not able to listen like to show some respect. When i talk to a person, who is mature enough i can't call it a problem.
I don't pay too much attention to notice what are my sins. I agree with a statement above about gossip. I hate when somebody is trying to show that he/she is smarter than other person. Especially when we are talking about lie.
I've never tried similar tips before, i would try it in closest future by all means and i hope they will work.
Marcin Górski said…
I know that is very hard to concentrate only on conversation but if I have a situation when other person is not paying attention on me too often I don't want to continue it. I think that second question should be answered by my conversation partners because I don't think about it. I know that I can make mistakes while conversation but everything is all right for me. No, I have never tried it but every tip can improve my conversation so I will remember about that.
Unknown said…
Do you have problems in being listened by others often?
I think sometimes, but usually not. But also I noticed that is annoying when you are not listening when you talk.
Which sin you most often commit and which you hate the most?
I think I sometimes speak to quiet, I do not like shout my mouth, for me that is not very cultural. I think that is my biggest sin I often commit. It is hard to tell what else but I try to analyse myself when I will be in situation described in presentation.
Have you tried similar tips before? Have they worked?
No I do not. But I think that may work, and I will try those tips.
Unknown said…
Thank you very much that you shared such an interesting speech with us. It was one of the best TED's presentation I have ever seen.

1. Mostly I don't have problems in beeing listened by others but sometimes it happens but then I say that I can stop talk if it is not interesting for person who ignores me.

2. This video shows me that I should work on myself and try to avoid judging people and complaining. I want to share good emotions with other people and I am concious that my complaining can't fix any my problems and it only can get somebody bad mood.

3. I can't say that his tips are new for me but his speech made me think about importance of speaking quality. It is important to pay attention to how we share our opinions with other people. I agree with him that our voice is something which change the world if we use it right.
It depends i rarely have to check on the other pearson if they are listening if we re talking alone or in a group of 3, but when in bigger groups 4+ i have problems with being heard and listened to. One thing we have to remember is a gloden rule that if u have nothing important or wise to say just dont say anything. If u follow that golden rule u will be listened to by default because people will learn that if u speak its most likely important, or u want to really get it across.
Im a sinner, oh lord. Im quite know for always complaining or seeing the worst of the worst in every situation. What i hate the most is when someone gossips extensively, yes we all have slip of gossip here and there but when its a main point of conversation i just turn off or walk away.
Another one really apparent when talking to some old people is dogmatism. They usually dont want your opinion they just want to throw their "way of thinking" at you without listening back.
Unknown said…
Do I have problems in being listened by others often?

I don't think so. You know, it can happens, but I think I'm a good speaker and I can encourage somebody to listen.

Which sins do I most often commit?
Maybe dogmatism? Sometimes I'm a little bit credulous.

Which sin do I hate the most?
Lying, of course. I just can't stand when you know the truth and still someone is lying to you. It's just unacceptable.

No, I haven't tried it, but it seems interesting.
Illia Kalinin said…
Such a useful and informative talk. I like it!

Do I have problems in being listened by others often?

Basically, I'm a quite silent person, so when I suddenly speak it usually takes attention. It may become a problem in a crowded place, but usually it is not.

Which sins do I most often commit?

Mostly it is gluttony, I hope I'm still growing.


Which sin do I hate the most?
Surely lying, everyone have a story about harmful lie, right? - but not everyone have about lust, for example.

Illia Lukisha said…
Do you have problems in being listened by others often?
Not often, by sometimes.

Which sin you most often commit and which you hate the most?
I think the worst is gossip, because to discuss behind one's back is terrible. I can commit lying sometimes, like in example given in video.

Have you tried similar tips before? Have they worked?
I'm trying constantly, but there is no limit to perfection.
Vladlen Kyselov said…
I guess everyone has such a problem sometimes, me as well. It is usually hard to tell why others don`t listen to you sometimes. By the way I can not call it a problem) Don`t really understand how sins topic consider this article? I didn`t use similar tips, but I guess it is worth trying.
Unknown said…
I don't think so, maybe sometimes but I have low voice so usually I don't have this kind of problems
I think I judge too much but I'm working on it.
I haven't tried any of those tips.
Unknown said…
I may say, that most of the times I don’t have problems with that, as everybody listens. It is a matter of articulation and correctly and understandingly stating your opinion and all the surroundings will listen.
To talk about stated “sins” I think there is just two of them and other five are what we mostly do every day and even if we do it, everybody listens. Those two “sins” are lying and dogmatism, which are mostly correlated to each other, if you say something without proof it is as you are lying. But other five, we are humans, so we judge, we need to judge, especially if we are judging the person with whom we are talking if it is stated with proofs it’s better for them. The same comes to other statements also.
No, I have never tried using those tips, in matter of fact, if you state your opinion correctly and with understandable language you don’t need to worry about this problem, they will listen.
Sometimes I have such problem when people don't listen to me but in most cases this is not necessary so I don't care about this but when I talk about something important I always know the way how make people listen to me and it's always work.

I think that people that can't make other to listen them very shameful and they need to learn how to be more active and open to exclude such type of situations.
Unknown said…
1. Do you have problems in being listened by others often?
No, I am not familiar with this feeling. I am rather strong in my character and voice, I also speak when I have something particular to say, at least I hope so. Sometimes, I find myself speaking not very clearly, but that is not the case in this point.

2. Which sin you most often commit and which you hate the most?
The sin I hate the most is the sin I commit the most often, I think. Being egocentric and thinking about yourself as first is a very bad thing, which I try to fight with.

3. Have you tried similar tips before? Have they worked?
Not really, as I said I feel pretty confident with my speech and I don't notice that I am not listened whatsoever.
The non judge mental philosophy is insane and dangerous and is promoted by those who are either brainwashed or who want to keep an unjust system. You wouldn’t speak to a child molester and not judge. You wouldn’t speak to a rapist and or judge. We judge constantly. That’s all we do and that’s how we survive. But you have to know how to judge correctly.
Patryk Górski said…
No. Every time I am talking with someone I am trying to ensure, that everyone will tell what they want to tell. I do listen to people, but I also want to express myself during chat with someone.

Sometimes I do gossip about someone, it's very rare but it happens. I also hate this so much, so that's why I am trying to work on it.

No, I didn't. I feel confident during speech, so it's not a problem for me
Unknown said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said…
I don't have problems with it. I have extraclasses so i often have to be listened by others. I know that i can speak in that way to be listened.


Honestly, i don't think that i do any of those. Maybe someone from my society should say something about it or maybe when i can listen myself, then i will see some of mistakes.

I finished course about how to speek to people so i think that i use special tricks and it works good.
Unknown said…
Yes, sometimes i do. But is not a common situation, so i can live with that)
I would prefer to not answer this question)
Nope, i havent. But i guess i will try to, maybe they will work)
Maciej Nowak said…
It is quite harsh way of dealing with this problem, but I can fully understand it, as not listening is expression of disrespect towards you. It is definitely worth trying to change the worst habits, as it will improve your communication skills with others.
Maciej Nowak said…
It might be really hard to get attention in a larger group and might be stressful for a shy person. Thinking about how to say while thinking about what to say might be difficult but also is very important as it will make your listeners more interested in what you say and through practice it will become something natural that you don't have to think about.
Maciej Nowak said…
I am glad to hear that you liked the presentation. Being negative and complaining about different things might be fun and let you de-stress a little, but other people can find you unpleasant and I also should have work on that.
Maciej Nowak said…
It is interesting rule to follow during conversations and I agree with you that it is better to stay silent instead of talking in vain. But if you will talk rarely you might be overlooked in this group.
Maciej Nowak said…
Gossiping can be bad, especially if someone starts to lie. This can be very hurtful as people can get untrue image of person who might not know what others say about him and can't defend himself. Being confident about yourself is definitely important as it will give power to anything that we do and people will notice it. Those tips mentioned in the presentation might be helpful to get more confident while speaking with others.
Cecylia said…
Very often, I have the feeling of people not listening to me, despite the fact that I’m trying to get their attention. I believe that my problem is not being able to communicate clearly with others, and because of that I can’t get the attention of the listeners. One of my biggest problems is the negativity – I’m a pessimist, and I frequently tend to negate other people’s opinions in conversations – instead of thinking about a topic I’m talking with someone about I prefer to assume that either they’re wrong or that the topic is irrelevant. One of the things that annoy me the most is dogmatism – I cannot stand people who assume something as truth just because an institution or a person held in high regard by the society said so. I have not tried similar tips before, but I will try to make use of those I have just received.

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