I believe
that at some point everyone compares himself to other people. Why?
Comparison
is something that all of us know from the very beginning – for example parents
compare one child with another (“When my son was 2 years old, he was already
speaking with full sentences, while your son can’t tell what his name is.”).
Most kids are compared with someone else (“It’s just a scratch and
you are crying, look at her – she had lost her leg and she’s not complaining”,
“Kids in Africa don’t have got food and you don’t want to eat this
carrot”) – and then those kids, as adults, follow suit.
Comparison
may end up with two states – contentment or sadness. You can compare yourself
with someone who will “win” or “lose” with you, just like in some competition. For
example, you can compare looks, the prettier person will “win” and uglier
“lose” – and it depends on you (your mood and needs) which one in this
combination you will be. You can also compare non-measurable occurrences – this one is
easy to think of, but difficult to prove. It may be just a feeling: “She surely
prefers to be in a relationship with my friend, because he is more handsome
than I am” – you don’t know it, but in your mind you lost with your friend and
you can’t prove or deny it – even though it wasn’t said, and there is a great
chance that it isn’t true, you’ve got a feeling that you’re worse than someone
else, because you thought of comparison which makes you worse.
How can we
prevent from comparing ourselves to others and from side effects of comparing?
1. Be forgiving – for yourself
You’re just a human being. There are many situations which make you
easily forget or forgive others, but you can’t forgive yourself – and you
should. If you can forgive others, then you’re the one who deserves
forgiveness.
2. Honest self-esteem
Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses – thanks to it you will be
more resistant to side effects of a comparison and you won’t stay upset,
because you know that you’re a valuable person.
3. Priorities
You have to think of what is important to you and do not bother yourself
with other issues
Here you
can watch Tom Shillue’s presentation on comparison:
1) Do you agree with tips? Is there
anything you would like to add?
2) Can you think of any good and bad
consequences of comparing yourself to others?
3) Have you ever been comparing
yourself to others? Why and what was the result?
4) Do you agree with Tom? Why?
5) What do you think of his
presentation? If you could change it, to make it better, what would you do?
Comments
When one starts comparing himself with others, his true goals become obscured with images of others people success. The pursuit for perfection in some field becomes pursuit for other people achievements, which is never healthy. Only when one will focus on his goals envy will be replaced with hard work and that is most probable way to achieve success in any field.
About comparing people I will never forget what my mum said " look at your friend Maciek. He is learning all day. You should learn too. In other situation when I wanted to go somewhere and I said Maciek was coming my mum said "you don't have to do everything that Maciek does"
Then we start to understand the surrounding and we know that we should behave like sb else because that's what is expected of us. We meet friends, yet they also start to compare as to others and we do just the same. Teachers constantly compare as to ours siblings, other pupils, their children. Sad true is that vicious circle has no end.
I believe Tom is right in that point that the most succesfull people, whom we usually envy money, popularity, hapiness etc
shouldn't be measure of the success, but it's incredibly difficult not to perceive them like this, focus on making a living and "just" being good at what we do.
One thing that comes to my mind is may be as well an advantage as disadvantage. What I'm thinking about is comparing to others makes that we'd like to be better and have more because other people have. As I sad it may be an advantage because we keep on developing ourselves, keep on working, but it may cause our start in rat race. We will always want everything better bigger and more expensive no matter what happen, because there always be someone who has more than us.
I don't remember any serious situation when I was comparing myself to others. Situations when children are comparing their drawings at primary school isn't serious.
Here are a few ideas to help stop comparing yourself to others:
-If it’s a specific person, just stop following them on social media. If you start to feel bad every time you see someone’s pictures, you need to cut yourself out of the loop or it will never end.
- Fill your feed with positivity. If you’re feeling bad about a specific thing (let’s say you feel like everyone else has longer legs, or that all your friends are better writers than you are), try to fill your social media feeds with positive vibes. Choose accounts that will make you feel good, and help you to accept and learn to love yourself. Choose body positivity, feminism, entrepreneurship groups, writer communities, and creative circles. Don’t spend all your time following models and Instagram sensations.
- Spend more time thinking about yourself. If you are surrounded by images of other people achieving things, it’s bound to make you feel bad, especially if you aren’t sure about what you want. Try to take some time to think about what YOU want to achieve. What do you see in your future? How do you want to grow? What kinds of activities do you want to engage in? Little by little, you’ll start to make it more about you, and less about them.
But sometimes I catch myself thinking about how another people perceive me: am I looking successful for them?
There is a lot of business is holding on people's comparison. Advertisement like "X_famous_person_X is already use PLAY/UPC/X_company_name_X. And what about you?" are disappointing.
Moroeover, we tend to compare with other people which I think is not a positive thing to do, but yet it happens and sometimes works as motivation or demotivation to us.
Good consequence of comparing to other may be that we are going to be better, because when we notice that someone is good at something - we are also going to be just to equal to others.
One of bad consequences is fact that we may have some complexes trying to be perfect in everything we do.
At everyday life I'm trying not to compare as well anyone to others as myself to others. In my opinion every person is different and there's no point to compare each other.
Thank you for very interesting article - I agree with all these tips, you reminded me that I should take it easy and stay happy instead of falling into a trap of sadness because I can't be as good as given person :).
And it is natural, as we know it from the very beginning.
Some people will thrive because when they compare themselves to other people they will try to be better and better.
Others however may get depressed when they compare themselves to some unreal vision of other people like celebrities or famous athletes.
That’s why I think that your tips are great :)
The other thing I hate about comparison - when something bad is going on in your life and you try to find the support, some people may say: "Come on, look at ..., he is ill, his wife had left him, and he lost his job! your problems are not so big" Yeah, right, but I feel sad now, and I don't want to compare my problems to anyone's else, 'cause it makes no sense at all. It is not supportive, it only makes you feel guilty for being weak.
By the way, psychologists say that if you feel bad, don't watch optimistic comedies about happy guys, other way you will compare yourself to them and would feel even worse.
Good consequence:
- We can always be inspired by others and be better.
Bad consequence:
- We could become depressed.
In high school I was obsessed about comparing me to my classmates. But good people show me that they can love me the way I am and because of that I stopped comparing.
Personally, I try to compare myself to much more experienced In different fields people. I think this might help me not to make some common mistakes that young people do
Now I try not to compare to anyone else. I am myself and I am trying to do my best. I am the one I should be compared with.
I completely agree with Tom. You should just try to be the best version of yourself. There will ALWAYS be someone better than you, but this shouldn't affect you in any way. If you are happy with what you have and who you are - that's great. Why bothering that someone is better?
jealousy. I like to admire someone for his achievements it motivates me to work harder.
Result of comparison should be desire of making yourself better - not making someone worse.
Interesting article, thanks