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Week 2 [14.10-20.10.19] Unhealthy love


Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? How often did it happen that you felt overwhelmed and trapped? Maybe someone you love did not accept you did not appreciate you well enough? Maybe you lost a friend because he started to meet someone, and you got isolated. Sometimes we do not realize of huge negative impact of small, seemingly innocent behaviors. Emotions and feelings are big power, which in a wrong hands can be used to harm other people. In same way as we learn to walk and speak, every day we should learn how to show our feelings, care and love in a conscious way. At the same time, we have to be aware of our wellbeing and negative impact of other people’s wrong behavior.




1. Were you aware of such behaviors in your relations?
2. Have you ever experienced such behaviors from your partner or close person?
3. What would you do to cope with such toxic way of relating?

Sources:
https://www.heysigmund.com/toxic-relationship-15-signs/
https://www.healthscopemag.com/health-scope/toxic-relationships/

Comments

Bartosz Barnat said…
Yes I was aware but mostly because of my friends who told me that something was wrong with my friendship with someone or relationships. It's really hard to see if some relations are toxic to you. I have experienced some of them in my relationship or even that I did some of them but I always see them in my friend's relationships and how they are treated. Well, best way to cope with such way of relating is just honest conversation about what is going on, what is good and what is bad for people involved but sometimes it's not an option because someone simply dont listen and I think the best way to cope with that is to just stop spending time with them because it is destroying us from within.
Cem Ates said…
Yes, I’ve seen the toxic relationships in my life. However, this kind of behaviors usually not stick with one but also yourself. It doesn't matter where you are or who you are with or what you do. You eventually become numb, stop feeling anything since nobody really cares. Some people out there don’t have anyone, or anything to go to at the end of the day to help them or encourage them. the thing is you may already be learning something important, all of this relationships are different, non of them are real and non of them work. We are not the monsters we sometimes see each other as because we are real and we are functional. thats the same thing for what makes love is love. we can find solutions, we can adapt, we can communicate but most importantly we can work together. so i think the cope to avoid a toxic relationship is forget whatever one says or what your girl/boy do, the thing is what you do for yourself.
Yes I was aware. I'm very intrested in human behaviours and sometimes i just can't understand what is going on with people, why they are so toxic. Most of the time it is some bad childhood or some bad day, they can be tired or whatever ;p. Luckily I almost never experienced such behaviour from my girlfriend or my friends mostly because if they have been toxic, i wouldn't spend time with them and call them my friends. I would never try to cope with such people, instead I rather don't even talk or see such persons. But if i had to cope with them I would talk and talk and talk till I found out why they are so pissed off
Karol Michalak said…
1. Were you aware of such behaviors in your relations?
Not at the beggining at least, but after some times and especially with help from close friends and family one can realize the source of the problem. It can be long process, it may take years even, but at the end you feel only relief.
2. Have you ever experienced such behaviors from your partner or close person?
Yes, my ex tend to be heavily overreacting, seeing problems even if they were not present. Always angry always looking for the hole all over. It was quite self-educating experience though.
3. What would you do to cope with such toxic way of relating?
You always have to stay calm, toxic people don't like such behaviour when they are going to start unnecessary argument. That will make them more angry at the beginning but should help in the long run.
Maciej Sadoś said…
I am usually aware of such behaviors in my relations and I can often spot when someone is not the right person to have a relation with. But it's not always so black and white and we sometimes realize it after some time.
No I didn't but I've heard stories about such behaviors from my friends. It is sometimes really hard to cut it when you go too deep.
I think it's the matter of attitude. You have to just cut the contact but be nice and kind.
Kacper Gąsior said…
1. Not really, I'm trying to keep with people who are not behaving like that. Even if something like that happens, I'm trying to talk about it and calm down the situation because it gets worse.

2. No, I haven't.

3. It's hard to say, but probably I will try to talk about it with this person, maybe convince him to visit a specialist. If the situation gets really serious I will probably end this relationship.
Piotr Bednarek said…
1. Yes, I am aware of such behaviors in a relationship. Happily I have never been in a toxic relationship so I can just base on my friends experiences and their attitude to similar situations. Many of them say that such relationship can be terrible for emotional, moreover after a break up they have problem to trust other people. To sum up we should be aware how to recognize a toxic relationship and we shouldn't ignore warming signals because it may have negative influence on our mental health.

2. As I mentioned above I have never been in a toxic relationship, but I am aware that they are common not only on private life but also on business relationship. My friend was in a toxic relationship, his girlfriend controlled him all the time, for instance she checked his phone while he was taking bath. In my opinion everyone deserve some level of privacy and such behavior is not only sick but also creepy.

3. There are two options to deal with this problem. You can finish your relationship, but in my opinion it should be final way to handle this situation. Or you can try to fix this relationship. In this process it is relevant to tell your partner how you feel and set limits. Moreover it may be useful to attend couples therapy, statistic show that it really works.
I haven't had many relationships in my life, so my experience isn't too much, but even though most of what's in the video was known to me, it's really hard to tell if your relationship is toxic or not because love is such a strong feeling that it allows you to forgive your partner for some things. The question of whether there are too many of them and when this balance is upset. I am very careful about who I choose to have a relationship with. I'm just as careful about who I can open up to, so I think I haven't experienced a toxic relationship in my life, but who knows, maybe I was the toxic one. I think there are two solutions depending on the stage of the relationship. If this is the beginning and two people are involved, but one feels worse then they should just talk, talking is the easiest way to express their emotions and feelings. Expressing your expectations of the other person is critical at the beginning of a relationship. The second solution is simply to break up if you are with someone for a long time, your relationship is toxic and no conversation helps, you just have to end it. It also depends on the person, some people do the opposite, if something doesn't work at first, they just break up and if something lasts a very long time, they want to maintain it.
Yubin said…
1. Were you aware of such behaviors in your relations?
Not really, such behaviors usually will not be in my relations, because I would prevent such relations before they happened, so I simply don't make friends with these people, if they are nice at the beginning and then show their true colours after a time, then I will just break off relations decisively.

2. Have you ever experienced such behaviors from your partner or close person?
No, I haven't as I mentioned in last question, and I don't think it will have chance to happen to me.

3. What would you do to cope with such toxic way of relating?
If you are talking about partner, then I will just find a balance between us and let us mutually understand each other, because relationship should not be like finding the Mr. Right after experiencing 10 toxic relationships, instead, relationship is precious, maybe it is destiny as well, so I would try my best to fix every problem as possible as I can, but all of this are in one condition that the partner should be a decent person first.
To be honest, I heard about them from family and friends, but I have never experienced such behavior in my relationship. Maybe because I am very honest and talk loudly about what annoys me. What's more, I try to avoid people who may be toxic. I think it's a waste of time for such relationships, when someone treats you badly or don't pay attention to you.
The best way to cope with this situation is simply end of relationship or honest conversation - face to face, without witnesses, in neutral place. But when you do your best to fix relationship, and your partner do nothing - it is time to end this. It's hard to forgot someone, but sometimes it is the only solution.
Olha Romaniuk said…
The first thing that comes to mind is to end this relationship right away. But it may not be safe. I think it depends a lot on the circumstances: what kind of toxicity is present in the relationship, what kind of character the toxic person has, maybe even plays the role of human nationality. Therefore, I cannot say a universal answer.
1. Honestly, no. These are toxic compounds and usually have a bad effect on health and all relationships. That is why I try to avoid such people, and in the best case I am trying to talk about it and trying to solve the problem because it gets worse and ruin relationship.

2. No, I have never experienced such behaviors from my partner or close person. And very good!

3. I would talk to my partner about this situation and compromise. If that didn't help, I'd just break contact.
1. Fortunately, I didn't notice such behavior in my relationship, but we have been together for a short time so it is possible that we don't know each other enough.

2. As I mentioned above, I didn't deal with such behavior personally.

3. If I will be in such toxic relation and I realize that something is wrong, first of all I would try to fix everything. Understanding and honest conversation are very important between two people. However, if the situation becomes too serious and we couldn't handle it ourselves but we would like to save this relationship, I would ask a specialist for help.
Kuba Berliński said…
1. Not really. I never paid much attention to that. I might have actually not notice this kind of behaviour or I might have not experienced them.

2. As I said above, I've never experienced such behaviours or have not noticed them. It might have led to breaking relations in kind of natural way that was hard to notice for me.

3. Talking seems to be a good thing to at least start with. Maybe the person that is or does toxic things would change the way they are if they were more aware. However, in more extreme cases breaking up might be the way to go.
I was in a toxic relationship. I was friends with a toxic person. Unfortunately, being in a toxic relationship, I didn't notice it, my friends signaled it to me, but I blinded by love didn't want to believe it. It wasn't until my breakup that I saw how much I choked on it. Friendship with my friend I noticed that it is toxic only after a long time, that it doesn't care about my person and only uses me to build myself. The hardest part is to notice it in time.
Anna Koca said…
It is really nice that you have such strong conviction and you are able to abide them even when emotions are accompanied. I hope you still won't have to deal with toxic person or situation in your life.
Damian Drozd said…
Obviously I were. Such relations prevents personal growth and it is simply bad for your mental health. I guess it's always better to be alone than in bad company :)
Fortunately, I've never experienced such behaviours. I always build my relations on honesty, thus if I would ever notice this way of behaving I'd just have honest conversation with the person and if that wouldn't help there's no other options than cutting the toxic relationship out of your life.
I have never been in a serious relationship as in love but i have experienced bad influance of my best friend's partner. Some people think that their parters have to spend all their time with them because if not, it means they do not care about them. These people are very jealous and sometimes do really horrible things to ruin relations between friends. What I have done is I put everything to clear with my friend and demanded his reaction to this situation. If a person's behaviour starts to dramatically change because of relationship, then it means it is not a very good thing to keep it going. I do not believe human nature really changes through life, only it can be altered a little bit. If i befriended someone few years ago and he suddenly changes personality, well it is not really the same person i knew and liked, is it?
1. Yes, I was aware of such behaviors in may of my relationships. I remember my ex-girlfriend always tried to isolate me from my friends and everytime i went somewhere without her, she instantly asked me questions.

2. As i mentioned in previous sentence, yes i experienced such behaviors from my partner. I stumbled upon many situations when I tried to help my friends who were in toxic relationships. Sometimes it was even difficult to enlighten them that they're in toxic relationships

3. I would always keep an eye out on people's behavior whether it's towards me or my close friend or my family
1. I’m aware but these are difficult to pay attention to in the beginning.
2. No, I don’t think I have.
3. Classic: if it bothers you – talk seriously about it. If it doesn’t help and after some time and some number of similar comments nothing changes and you start feeling miserable with this person – leave them behind, they can’t or don’t want to change.
1. Of course, these behaviors are very normal and we deal with them every day. We're only human, so it's hard for us to get rid of or completely forget toxic behaviours. The only thing we can do is to control as much as possible how we behave and try not to make life difficult for others, but on the contrary - try to help them. Personally I have never been in a close relationship with anyone but friendship. When it comes to friendships, everything always seems fine at first. Then a friend makes new friends, maybe finds a girlfriend, maybe something destroys his plans or life, and then my friendship is questioned. Most often it's not my fault, but of outsiders who do not like that my colleague spends his free time with me.

2. When it comes to toxic behavior in my relations, I could give an example of my (once) best friend I met in high school. We began to move away from each other when he met a new team of people, what in conclusion resulted in isolating themselves from me, of course along with my very best friend. In the end, the situation was so hopeless that we completely broke off contact with each other and we're not talking to this day. I regret it very much, but it wasn't my decision.

3. I think that honest conversation is always the best solution to these types of problems. If the other person doesn't want to talk, then we have to observe. Maybe we can notice even the smallest detail, thanks to which we can save our friendship or even love. If the behavior is very toxic, then we can always ask for help or advice from other people close to us. We can contact specialists such as a psychologist who will definitely help us in some way.
Kgajewska said…
Yes, I was aware aware of such behaviors in my life. I'm intrested in human behavior
so when i heard more about typical toxic traits i asked myself "Is anyone from my close circle toxic for me?". And I started analyzing my friends and family behavior. And to
be fair the moment when i realized that I was, am, and unfortunately will be
surronded by toxic people was pretty harsh. Later i realized that some people don't change and i stopped trying to fix them.
My advice? If a certain peron is too toxic and doesn't want to change, just cut them off of your life. He/she will just prevent you from growth and probably will block you from normal and happy relationships.
Ivan Mazuryk said…
1. Nope. I'm trying to avoid people who are not behaving like that. Even though if something like that happens, I'm trying to find the solution from the situation.

2. No, I haven't.

3. First of all, to talk, if it doesn't help, I'll break off.
1. Yes. I think everyone has to deal with those little things that are considered "unhealthy" and if the problem is bigger than that - then some actions must be taken.

2. Yes, I have, maybe not that extreme but definitely similar.

3. I think the best way is just to talk to the person and work this through together. If nothing works, then I think there is only one way - separation from that person.
Mateusz Szych said…
1. No, I wasn't. It seems to me that such behavior didn't occur. These behaviors are unacceptable and I don't intend to agree to such restrictions.

2. No, I haven't.

3. I see only two solutions. This person will change or I will break up with this person.
s15385 said…
1. Yes, I was in such realtionship and I'm single now :)

2. As I answered in question one I was in such relationship and it didn't last long.

3. There are only two solutions. Firstly toxic person would change his/her behaviour. If it didn't help I would probably break up.
Szymon Kluczek said…
1. Of course I am as it was said in the video, we all are only humans and we all make mistakes. Even though we know that at some point we totally ‘act against love’, such behaviours are incidental to our daily life, but I think that if someone really wants to take a turn for the better, he/she is able to do it.

2. Happily, I’ve never experienced such behaviours from people I love and I really hope I’ll never experience that.

3. If you ask me I think that it’s very hard to say what would you do if something happened, unless it happens to you. Probably I’d call a specialist for the good advice. I would be really careful and safely leave toxic person.
1. Were you aware of this behavior in your relationship? Yes, this behavior is not uncommon, and as the video says, we've all experienced it or even been the cause of it.
2. Unfortunately, Yes. I experienced excessive jealousy, my partner limited my communication with friends and turned me against the family.
3. One way might be to talk to that . But more often a good relationship requires hard work on the part of two people. However, if a person does not want to change or go to meet you, then communication with him should be minimized or stopped altogether.
Adam Tokarczyk said…
1. I like observing human behavior, so I think, that I usually spot such signs pretty fast. We can never be sure through.

2. Yes and unfortunately, I think similar to Katie Hood when it comes to statement that every person experience it both on receiving and giving side.

3. It all depends. There is some extent to which we can tolerate toxic behavior of some people. Sometimes it doesn't bring much harm and we mutually really care about each other. Sometimes people aren't even aware, that what they are doing is wrong or harmful. Everyone has his boundaries through and if those are broken we should simply sever relationship with said person as fast as possible. If someone hurts us and is bad for our health, it's quite simple from my point of view - we don't need them in our life and there is no need to bother with what they think about it.
1. Were you aware of such behaviors in your relations?
Yes I was aware of them. Those signs of toxic relationship mentioned in the video aren't something new. I think the best way of preventing such behaviour from occuring is just listening to your partner.

2. Have you ever experienced such behaviors from your partner or close person?
Definitely not as crazy as those depicted in the video but a bit lesser forms of it, yeah, I might have.

3. What would you do to cope with such toxic way of relating?
I would talk and listen. I think this is the key. Obviously sometimes it just won't work. Then you have to get out of such relationship as fast as possible.
Anna Koca said…
Sometimes it is hard to control your habits or attitude. It is normal that when people meet, their personalities collide, what can lead to arguments and fights. Being honest and conversation are always the best solution.
Anna Koca said…
Not opening to other people and shouting out is a normal self-defense method. But sooner or later we'll have to deal with toxic people and the sooner we'll learn how to do it, the better for us.
Pawel Bluszcz said…
1. Yes, I am aware of such behavior. The behaviors presented in the film remind me more of relationships at the time of elementary school and it is rather difficult for me to believe that such a thing occurs among adults.
2. No I haven't
3. In my opinion, the best way to deal with problems is by simply talking. If both of partners decide to fix their imperfections, in my opinion, there is no problem to fight for a relationship. However, if one of the people does not want to change, you just have to break contact with him/her.
Marta Matysik said…
1. Yes, I was. Maybe not immediately, but quite quickly.
2. No, I haven't.
3. It is important to draw conclusions from such a relationship. The more people we meet, thet more we know. We have intuition that we can trust. Thanks to it, we will avoid toxic relationships and people and we will not waste time on them.
Mykyta Smirnov said…
1. Yeah, but the such things are problem only when they overwhelm your life. Everything should be in balance and, for example, some jealousy time to time is not a problem, but adds some spiciness.
2. Sometimes I experience such things from my partner.
3. Talk or divorce.
Anna Moskalenko said…
I mean, sure, each and every one of us makes those things and I saw those markers in all of my relationships, from my side also. Some time ago I had a lot of those in relationship with my mom. But I believe that people can change, you just have to help them. Sometimes they’re not aware of the things they’re doing. I used to argue with my mom a lot, we were almost all the time in a fight and it was really hurting me, so one day I just came to her and we talked, I told her about my feelings and how she was hurting them. And I’m no saint too, for sure, so I also said that I’m sorry for everything I ever said or done to her. And that was the moment when everything’s changed. I mean, yeah, like EVERYTHING has changed that day, and we have the best relationships ever now. She just haven’t realised earlier that she did those things.
But this is the good story and there’s a lot of bad ones. If you see all (or almost all) of those markers in your partner - you better run. Ask you friends or family to support you and run away as fast as you can.
Anna Koca said…
I'm really sorry about your ex, but trust me, we all meet people like this, stay in the relationship with them, deal with them everyday. Sometimes it's us who behave toxic. It may be is hard to see that, but it is crucial to start working things out.
s18716 said…
1. Were you aware of such behaviors in your relations?
In my personal life, I have not seen this. It seems to me that this has not happened to me. But I witnessed such a relationship. Probably because it’s more visible from the outside, and such details are very clearly visible. In some cases, the outcome is known to me, and it is not very good, it is true.

2. Have you ever experienced such behaviors from your partner or close person?
As I said earlier, I have no such experience. Maybe because I tried to prevent this at the very beginning at the stage of meeting a person.

3. What would you do to cope with such toxic way of relating?
And as if it is very simple to do, but in fact, when a person finds himself in such a relationship, he usually does not notice this. As for me, two ways are most likely possible. The first is of course to get rid of such a relationship. The second way is very difficult, and probably you need to work a lot here, as the speaker said. First of all, you need to realize that you are in such a situation, then make a decision.
Anna Koca said…
Then you have great friends around you. Sometimes it can be risky to tell that to person in toxic relationship, because it can be received as a sabotage. But very often they can see something what is invisible for us because we're too involved.
1) I had such experience and I should say its tragic for person to feel it.
I do agree with Katie Hood. She clearly described the issue in video, she said "Unhealthy relationships and abuse are all around us. We just call them different things and ignore the connection". And this is in face true. From my perspective, most of us face up with it but we simply don't give attention.
2)INTENSITY and JEALOUSY were serious signals in my relationship but I was misunderstanding it.
3)I can say that it's not the best way to deal with it by ignoring it. I'm not in a hurry to make a serious relationship, rather i'd prefer better understand personality
1. Almost every person can say they witnessed more or less unhealthy relations between two people. Even if that's not their personal experience.

2. Like it was said in the speech, all of us can make mistakes and certainly will do some of them sooner or later. It depends on us if we are able to learn on them and as it was said "understanding is the first step to improving".

3. It depends on so many different aspects how to deal with such a troublesome relations. First of all it depends on kind of certain relationship. As it was said it can be relation with your romantic partner or with your family members or friends. In my opinion there is no such a thing as universal advice for everyone but if i have to give somebody any advice on this topic i would probably say to both listen and communicate. If there is no open communication and honesty it almost certainly would not work properly for you.
1. Yes I was aware of such behavior, that's why I ended one of my relationship.

2. Yes I did, but I ended that relation quickly.

3. Talk with other person or just end it if it doesn't work.
Anna Koca said…
It is normal and human that we are emotional and sometimes feelings takes advantage over sense. It is crucial to realize that and try to work on yourself.
This is why with emotional, toxic people very often talking makes no sense, they are blind to their guilt.
Iryna Lehusha said…
No, I never suspected such behavior. And this video was a revelation for me. Because all my close people are very good. And if I notice that a person is toxic - I immediately try to break such a relationship.
I believe if you meet such people on your way - you need to break off relations with them immediately or try to talk to them and solve the problem. Such relations affect your physical and mental health badly. Most often, after such behaviour there are problems with self-esteem.
Mateusz Hefner said…
1. Were you aware of such behaviors in your relations?
No, I never experienced such behavior in my relaions.

2. Have you ever experienced such behaviors from your partner or close person?
As i said before "No, I never experienced such behavior in my relaions."

3. What would you do to cope with such toxic way of relating?
Key to success is simple, talk to each other and see if you are made for each other.

I have had one serious male-female relationship in my life. It's fun, there are no disturbing behaviors in it. We must remember that we are people and we often do stupid things, we say something that we regret after a while.

I don't know, but it seems to me that I may not be aware of certain behaviors from people close to me. Certainly something like this happened once.

I believe that conversation is the key to solving problems. An honest conversation can change a lot, but often requires admitting mistakes. Both people should talk to each other honestly and then they can solve any problem.
1. No, I don't remember this situation.
2. This is not a topic I would like to talk about in public.
3. I would probably lock myself in the garage and tinker with the car. :)
I'm aware of such behaviours, because it happened to me. I was in a couple of reletionships, close or not, and there were things that Katie Hood talks about. I experienced it as person who made this kind of "unhealthy love" and as person who was forced to this. Now I look at this relationships as an experience of something new, as a lesson of life. It's hard to get out of unhealthy love, because it's probably too late or person who does that won't change overnight. It's a long process to get out unhealthy love. Conversation can help temporarily but I think it will come back. This is how I experiened that. If there will be such unhealthy love between the couple, maybe there are not for each other? Sometimes ending a relationship is the only way
Vitalii Ohol said…
1. Yes, I was. It's a common problem and easy to recognize. But sometimes you don't want to see the truth and realize that you have some problems in relationships.

2. Unfortunately, I have. And I don't want to say anything about this problem.

3. Most problems in relations can be solved by discussing with your partner and will to change yourself and your relationships.
1. I try to keep away from toxic relationships but they happen sometimes , unfortunately.
2. Recently dropped out from one relationship like that:)
3.It is easy for me - just delete it from your life if the other half is not willing to work on it as hard as you do.
s15052 said…
1. No. I try to avoid toxic people (and relationships) around me.
2. No
3. I think that conversation should be first thing to solve such problems. If it won't help, maybe it will be better for both sides to finish this.
1. I wasn't in such claustrophobic relationship, I try to build relationship where two people can be yourself and trust each other without closing on people

2. I know only one example from my friend. His girlfriend was oppressive and she was telling him which friends are good for him and which are not

3. First of all the relationship should be built on trust not oppressive "law". This is the fundamental cause.
1. Were you aware of such behaviors in your relations?
There is no place for such sick behavior in my relationships. I am very restrictive in this respect. Just if someone seems strange to me, his behavior becomes notoriously ill, I try to end such a relationship. I think that's a good solution. I don't want to hope and then fail me.

2. Have you ever experienced such behaviors from your partner or close person?
No, I've never experienced such behavior from a partner before. As I wrote before, I avoid such people.

3. What would you do to cope with such a toxic way of relating?
I would just try to end this relationship. If certain limits are exceeded, it is better to end the relationship. Especially if I'm at such a young age. Of course, the second way is to repair the relationship. You can use professional therapies for couples. However, this is a very long process (minimum one year) and often does not bring results.

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