Many years
ago women gave birth to children when they were about 18-23 years old. Then it was normal. Women
didn’t work on a regular basis, didn’t educate so their main objective was to take care of home, give birth and raise children.
Then a few
woman changed the world and now everything
looks different.
The majority
of us can educate, develop and engage in professional development. When we are
18- we take A-level exams. When we are 23 we are in the process of studying at a university.
When we are 24-25 we start our first serious
job. Over the years we work hard, we gain new experiences. When we are
30 years old we start to think about
starting a family but we don’t think about children. Oh no- it is too early- we
think. We must take care of our career. And when we are between 35 and 40 we decide to have a child.
It is (too)late motherhood. What do you think about it?
Everything is
fine if our child is born healthy and strong. But what if our child is born
sick?
There is a
high probability to give birth to a child with Down’s syndrome or another
disease . In Poland statistics look quite good. Polish women still decide to have their first child before 30. It looks much worse in USA and United Kingdom.
Advantages of late motherhood:
For a child:
-
Better
psychosocial development;
-
Better living conditions;
-
Parents
spend more time with their child.
For a mother:
-
Possibility
to choose an optimal time for motherhood;
-
Better
child raising conditions;
-
Financial
independence.
Disadvantages of late motherhood:
For a child:
-
Worse
health conditions after birth;
-
Possibility
of genetic defects;
-
Worse
contact with older parents;
-
Lack
or weak contact with grandparents;
-
Lack
of siblings;
-
Parents
are less patient.
For a mother:
-
Postpartum
period complications;
-
Orphaned
children;
-
sharing
time between a child and old parents.
Source:
Zuchora Anita. Nowe, dojrzałe matki, Zwierciadło 2013, nr
10, s.113-118.
Comments
My mother was around 30 years old when I was born and among my friends the situation seems to be similar. I guess that now point of view of woman is similar to man’s point of view. We want firstly feel financially secure, have a permanent job, bought a house, be prepared and wait for a while before we will decide about having family.
When I was a child, I was really happy I had such a young mom. I was proud of it. I remember I dreamt of having child at such a young age, so that my children would be proud of me as well.
But now, my perspective has dramatically changed. I can't imagine having a baby in my age, and I would be totally horrified if I got pregnant at the age of 19. I know it's not the end of the world and that people somehow manage in a situation like that (well, my parents did :)), but for me, having a child is not a priority and, to be honest, I don't know if it ever will be. I would hate not being able to develop my education, career, or passions in the full extent... I have many wishes and dreams, and having a child is not one of them.
Speaking about late motherhood, have you seen this campaign released a few months ago? I think it was a really unsuccessful one on so many levels. Not only did they choose a young actress, but also suggested that women don't want to have kids due to travels and expensive caprices. What do you think about that?
I'd like to refer to some points you've made
1) Worse health conditions after birth
I'm no expert, but from what I've heard such thing may occure if the mother is perhaps about 45 years old. Yes, the risk does rise with age but pregnancy before 40 is rather fine.
2) Worse contact with older parents
This one doesn't make sense to me to be honest. Parents aren't supposed to be their children buddies plus come on, it's not like if the mother is older she's going to just leave the child to themself of what? Additionally you kind of contradict yourself stating "parents spend more time with their child" as an advantage
3) Lack or weak contact with grandparents
Sorry but grandparents would have to actually be dead. Grandparents are always the ones to be the ones to spoil their grandchild and love them more than their child. It doesn't matter if they're 50 or 70.
4) Lack of siblings
How is that even relevant? I'm an only child. My mother was 27 when I was born. I don't think it's a bad thing.
5) Parents are less patient
I'd say it's the other way round actually.
I don't think I have anything to disagree with when it comes to advantages.
Hah, also person above wrote about that infamous campain about motherhood - it made me really mad, trying to guilt trip me, just leave everything and have a child now, because it's more important that your education and wanting to fulfill your dreams. I am my own person and I don't want to sacrifice the things I've planned to achieve in order to have a child, I'm not ready to commit myself to motherhood. And I don't know if I'll ever be.
Anyway what I think matters the most is being mentally prepared for the child. Secondly being prepared financially. If a woman knows she can handle it at 20 years old, then ok. If she's not prepared until 40 then don't force it.
I know that there is a greater chance of the child being sick if you give birth around 40 but fortunately now a days there are tests that can predict down's syndrome and I don't think anyone having a child in their 40-ties wouldn't take a test like that.
I personally don't plan on having children of my own because of various reasons (same as Patrycja it just isn't a dream of mine) but I think people should be able to decide for themselves without social pressure. Having children doesn't stop you from fulfilling your dreams but it certainly can make it harder, so we should decide for ourselves what our priorities in life are and if we want to pursue both passions and children or only one in full extent. As I mentioned before I believe that parenthood should be a conscious choice because you can't just "stop" being a parent, you take responsibility for the life you create. So I think it's certainly a safer option to wait longer if you are just not sure what you want in life or do you even want to become a parent at all than just jump into parenthood because society says it's "the time" and it's supposedly the right thing to do.
I knew someone would mention the recent "pro-motherhood" campaign :) I also wonder what people here think about it?
Oh no, I agree with you. I can't imagine that I have a child now or when I was 20 years old like your mother. In my opinion it is too early. Although my mother given birth to my sister when she was 22.
I also have many dreams but one of them is having a family and children.
I don't think that I will have to resign of something and I don't think that having a family and children will be huge recantation for me.
Of course everyone has a right to have his own opinion on this subject.
Campaign which you evoke is not good. It doesn't encourage to having a baby in no way.
I think that some women renounce to be a mother because they are selfish and they love comfort. Of course- not all women.
To put it in other words - there is no such thing as selfishness if you are alone. This trait only exists if there is another person around you and you choose your needs over his or hers needs. But if you don't have children, you can't say you're selfish because you simply have noone to be selfish to.
It's similar to having pets. Some people don't want to have a pet because they don't want such a responsibility. Would you call them selfish? I would call them reasonable.
Furthermore in my opinion it's selfish to have a child only because you want someone to take care of you when you are old (proverbial glass of water) or it's selfish when people push their kids into parenthood just because they must have grandchildren.
- Ovarian reserve; Women are born with all of the oocytes (eggs) that they will ever have; they do not produce more oocytes. Although there are approximately six to eight million eggs at birth, many of these are lost during childhood so that by the time a female begins her periods she only has about 300,000 to 500,000 eggs left. During the typical menstrual cycle 10-30 eggs are recruited for growth on a daily basis, but only one of these dominates to become a mature follicle ready for fertilization on a natural cycle. The rest die off resulting in the loss of hundreds of eggs per year.
So if you are going to have a first baby at the age of 35+, it will be good for you to pass some medical tests about ovarian reserve.
- Health; I think it is clearly understandable and every one should have an active lifestyle and just be healthy.
- And so on.
What about Down's syndrome, I know that now there are two medical tests that can give you a 99.9% result. So I think a late pregnancy and not only the late one should be well planned by the couple and then everything will be ok :)
Moreover, I think that it is better to wait and get pregnant when both of parents feel ready. Even when it means that they'll never have their own children. There is enough of abandoned children in orphanages that are dreaming about parental love. Still, there are also people that shouldn't have children at all, but they force themselves because they think that it is the way it should look like. I'm really happy that nowadays the awareness of the duties of being a parent is increasing and people decide more consiously.
Our ambition, the desire to have and to improve the quality of life are increasingly being placed in the first place. Hence the decision to increasingly overlap in later pregnancies.
But described factors only affect people who before deciding on upbringing of the child, they want to ensure appropriate conditions earlier.
Families who do not attach importance to it, they have no problem with it and women become pregnant, almost a year after year, regardless of age. The vast majority have no prospect of a better life, and often count on state aid in the upbringing of children.
On the other hand, as we all know children are the result of love and love cannot be controlled : ) Let alone the fact that Poland got negative birthrate and we as the (still) young generation should do something about it.
Also, Patrycja posted a link to campaign video. I watched it and I admit I have similar feelings to what Aleksandra Grigorian wrote. The campaign literally wants to guilt trip me and it is something that makes me angry. Parenthood or everything else, like there is no other option.
btw collective comments are great idea :D
I'm glad that this topic provoked you to extensive conversation.
I felt that problem of motherhood may be good a starting point for discussion.
I have never before heard about test which you quote, but I checked it and it is true. I'm afraid that is not accurate, but of course I haven't got knowledge this type.
Of course being mother is very responsible function. You are a mother all day and all night. You always think about your baby. Does it have everything what he need, does it healthy, does it feel good and so on. In my opinion is very hard but also very beautiful. My sister has a son and she is pregnant now. She was afraid and now she is afraid, but she is also happy and she wouldn't change it for nothing else. Of course she has a good and bad time, but she love her son and her life.
I am scared by all the genetic defects that a child may develop if conceived by older parents. The natural system of rejecting defective embryos doesn't work that well when a woman reaches certain age and it may be really dangerous both for mother and child. I am freaked out only looking at numbers - there is a 1:5000 to have this, 1:200 to have that and 1:300 to have that - when all these are added there is practically no chance of having a healthy child!
In my opinion if people want to have better chances of having a healthy child it is advisable to start a family earlier. There surely are ways to have a child and pursue a fulfilling and satisfying career.
Your opinion is reasonable and empathic.
You're talking about adoption. Would you take child this type?
In my opinion, women should not hurry with the decision of having a baby. They should finish school, make their dreams come true and develop their careers first. I think the time will come when they feel that they want to devote to the child.
It must be remembered that children need parents and not parents who are grandparents.
It's really dangerous for the society and it may be bad also for children, Kids do compare their parents sometimes so one might feel really bad when told that his mother could be mother of his friends mothers.
Also higher possibility of genetic defects is rather dangerous. Don't you think that it should be prohibited by law to get pregnant at certain age? It's not a good idea but may be a way to stop people like this polish actress.