Luvvie Ajayi tells the story about overcoming the fear, getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. She learned how to handle the fear - which is why, for example, she went on vacation alone.
Questions:
1. Does fear rule your life? Have you ever given up opportunities due to being scared?
2. Have you ever overcome your fear and done something you were afraid of? How did it feel?
3. Do you like expressing your opinion in a group, or do you prefer to be a listener?
Comments
I don’t think it is exactly the thing you are asking about but I think I have slightly overcome my fear of spiders. When I was a kid, I was obsessively afraid of them and would refuse to touch something or go somewhere that had even the tiniest spider on them. Even the spiders that were drawn or shown in the movies were unacceptable. Nowadays, I only have problems with hairy, dangerous spiders that fortunately do not live in Poland and specific ones that live in my parents’ basement. However, by accepting their presence, looking at them and working with the thought that small spiders are not dangerous and can be in the same room with you I think I overcame the fear to acceptable level that now makes it quite easy for me cope with them. Of course, if they are not too hairy or the size of my hand.
I am a reeeeeally talkative person (as you can see from the length of my post :D) so I think I do express my opinion a lot while being in a group. However, I also think that I’m not a bad listener and when I don’t know something, or someone wants to talk to me I am able to stay quiet.
I have overcome my fears many times, even when it comes to flying planes, which I am extremely afraid of. Once I overcame my fear of camps and decided to go to english school in Malta for holidays, of course with my friend. Till now I recall those days as the worst in my life… But it is probably because we just chose the wrong school. The level of english was terrible and whenever I did an exercise without any mistakes, the teacher accused me of cheating. Instead of accepting the fact that me and my friend were in the wrong group and maybe give us some other exercises, she always told us to stop speaking, stop cheating and behave like we do not know english so others don’t feel bad. The family we were living with was also terrible. So I overcame my fear for camps and I still regret it, even though it was about 10 years ago. However, there are also fears that I am so grateful for overcoming, like communicating with strangers in english. Because of that I got to know so many amazing people, I have friends all over the world and I am not scared of travelling because I know that I can always talk to someone. I learned that people do not care about my grammar mistakes, they are just happy that I am trying. I used to be scared to talk to strangers even in polish. Luckily, right now I am aware of the fact that first of all, people do not care. They have their own lifes and even if you say something stupid, they will forget you in 5 minutes. And second of all, as I said - they don’t care about your mistakes as long as they understand what you mean. Getting to know people from other countries makes your life totally different and gives so many opportunities to travel.
Unfortunately, I love expressing my opinion in a group… I say unfortunately, because whenever I have my own opinion, I sometimes forget that not everyone has to agree with me. I always say it loud and what’s worse, if I know that someone has completely different opinion on something, I feel like I need to say my own even louder, to start the discussion, to ask questions and sometimes people do not want to talk anymore as they do not know how to answer my questions. However, I think that if you are sure of your opinion and have some thoughts and arguments for it, then answering someone’s question shouldn’t be a problem. I am usually a problem for people who believe in something “just because” but do not really have anything interesting to say about it.
Unfortunately, some of my fears can partly rule my life. I am a shy person and worry a lot. Troublemaker is about me. Sometimes I can not tell my opinion not to be judged, or I can try to avoid public speeches.
Also, I have a cynophobia - I am afraid of dogs. If it is a big dog without a leash, I start to panic. It affects my life, as I do not go to parks alone or I can walk down another street not to meet a dog.
2. Have you ever overcome your fear and done something you were afraid of? How did it feel?
I think I on the way to overcome my fears. I agree with the speaker that it is easier to be quiet than to defend your point of view. The only workable method is to begin doing things you are afraid. Maybe, the first time it will not be successful, but it is important to do not mind it and keep working on yourself.
What about my cynophobia, when I will live in a house or a big flat, I want to get a dog. I want it to be a Labrador Retriever. I believe that growing a dog from a puppy will help to avoid my phobia and to get a good companion.
3. Do you like expressing your opinion in a group, or do you prefer to be a listener?
As you can conclude my previous answers, I prefer to be a listener. It is a comfortable role for me. The majority of my friends are extravertive and talkative people, and we get on very well.
I wouldn't say it is a rule that the fear dictates what I do. The problem which appears to me is when I cannot differentiate fear of doing something from thinking that something isn't rational.
I don't know if I'm expressing myself clearly. There are situations in life when the risk is high. And not deciding to do the thing is fear but also the most rational thing to do.
That just my quick thoughts about this.
Have you ever overcome your fear and done something you were afraid of? How did it feel?
Sure! The adrenaline rush is crazy in such a situation. When you overcome the fear it feels like you are invincible.
Do you like expressing your opinion in a group, or do you prefer to be a listener?
I try to be easy on expressing my opinions. Especially when nobody asks and I don't feel like my comment will contribute in any sense.
On the other hand, I hate it when I hear that somebody is telling something blatantly false. I feel that I have to intervene in such a situation.
When people mostly say what they regret doing in life I was always a person who says what I regret not doing. Half of my life was like living inside the box too afraid to leave my comfort zone and not willing to explore and experience life fully. After one point in my life i said to myself "Stop, I do not want to regret anything anymore" I started to do things which makes me uncomfortable and it did not have to be such huge act like skydiving but everyday small things like talking to the strangers, going out with group of people I do not know very well and so on. Everyday I was making small steps and I can see a huge difference in myself after years.
2. Have you ever overcome your fear and done something you were afraid of? How did it feel?
Yes, all the time but these are not such big acts worth talking about. The most important is that as often as I do it I feel like I am getting used to it and something what looked hard and uncomfortable at the beginning is not anymore. Every first step is the hardest. And I can see progress I made as a person in general.
3. Do you like expressing your opinion in a group, or do you prefer to be a listener?
To be honest both. First I like to listen, giving others the chance to speak first. It is easier also for me to refer to it anyway. I practise listening without judging and understanding others point of view. I always believe that I can learn something from others when I listen and when I speak I only repeat things I already know, therefore listening sounds more valuable.
2. I went to a convention alone not knowing anyone. There were like 200 people. All in all, it was fun and I made some new friends. I consider it a small milestone for me.
3. I prefer to be a listener. I only express my opinions when the topic of conversation is something that I know well.
Yeah, no, I'm not sure. I'm certain that there were situations when the fear have taken advantage influencing the action I was taking. But is it happening often? I don't think so. It's just the feeling of not being sure if that's the right way of doing something. That's true that I missed some great opportunities because I was scared or not sure of something. But past is past and thinking about it now is pretty much worthless.
2. Have you ever overcome your fear and done something you were afraid of? How did it feel?
I do it pretty often. I'd rather refer to it as a stepping outside of your comfort zone and it always feels great. Satisfaction that comes from overcoming fear and things like that is something that should happend really often in order to feel good.
3. Do you like expressing your opinion in a group, or do you prefer to be a listener?
I used to be full time listener but after a time i decided to change it. Sometimes I feel like im talking too much without even making much sense. I'm breaking the ice if it's too quiet, trying to make people comfortable and not so stiff but alkso giving them space to express what they are thinking
2. As mentioned above, I have not experienced much fear.
3. I'm an introvert, so I'd rather be a listener than a speaker. I prefer to listen, collect data and analyze. On this basis, you can draw some really interesting and interesting conclusions. Sometimes they are even shocking.
2. I have. I have felt more as a free person with no borders. I hate when I am too afraid to act or say something. It feels like I steal my own life from me
3. I like expressing my opinion in a group, but the question is: does the group need my opinion? It is important to understand that every opinion one expresses in a group should name a new unique piece of information. Being a listener is efficient to create a logical and significant opinion. A person who listens more than speaks is not always afraid to speak. Sometimes it takes more time for that person to gather information around the world
Thank you for your comment!
It is really amazing that you have overcome your fear of spiders!
I have the impression that my spiders fear is getting bigger and bigger every year, but I don't let fear rule my life: D
Thank you for your opinion! It is amazing!
I have similar feelings about doing things alone - that's why in the introduction to the TED presentation I wrote that Luvvie Ajayi travels alone - it shocked me because I would never do that.
I am really sorry for your bad experience with camps :(
Your attitude is very positive - I must follow you! :D
I am also a shy person and I'm afraid to speak in a group.
This is often depressing, but it also has its advantages - due to being a good listener I know people very well.
It is really great that you will try to overcome cynophobia. However, maybe it is better to try to get used to dogs before buying/adopting one?
Thank you for your comment.
I also had a turning point in my life when I started to open up and fight my fear. Since then, I have not let fear rule my life.
A few years ago I overcame my fear and made a bungee jump. It was wonderful - fear and adrenaline, but to be honest I would never do it again: D
I am still quite shy person, so I prefer to listen in a group, I really respect your dual approach.