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Week 6 (10-16 November): How do we find nonverbal paths in the wilds of communication?



Nonverbal communication is one of the most astonishing, extraordinary and incomprehensible ways of human communication. Wordless messages are sent through our gesture, body language, posture, clothes, hairstyle, even through the rooms we live in and objects we use. These messages might be decoded by our interlocutors intentionally or unintentionally, but nevertheless they do not go unnoticed. We are surrounded by the jungle of nonverbal communication and we cannot escape from it. 


By means of nonverbal communication we express our feelings, personality, attitude towards certain things, needs and problems. Nonverbal cues may either constitute a message on their own or they may be a supportive measure undertaken to strengthen what we say. But the question is how we know if we encode and decode those wordless messages properly. What determines our understanding of nonverbal communication? How do we find nonverbal paths in the wilds of communication? Is it our inborn ability or do we acquire this skill through socialization and the process of upbringing in a specific culture? In this essay I will try to reflect upon these and some other questions connected with the mysterious phenomenon of nonverbal communication.

Sometimes I wonder whether nonverbal communication is not a relics of evolution, such as: wisdom tooth or coccyx, yet then I think it is not the case. People might have used nonverbal cues for communication before they evolved and started using verbal ones, but why did not they give it up when having discovered a more efficient and time sparing way of encoding and decoding messages? Human being is a peculiar, cunning creature who is always trying to defeat and deceive the nature. Maybe this time it is the nature that deceived the human being. We use words, verbal messages not only to communicate something but very often to hide something from our interlocutor, to keep something secret and not to communicate. Words can be deceptive. But maybe nature invented a way to tame our cunningness. That is why we still have nonverbal communication. It reveals what is meant not to be revealed. It reveals what we are afraid to reveal. It says what we would never say. It shows our true nature. Of course a well-trained person is able to tame his body language, but still he cannot control it all the time.


My another guess connected with this topic is that we need nonverbal communication because language constraints us, it does not enable us to express the abundance of emotions that we feel. The enormousness of our feelings cannot be articulated through a means of communication that imposes limits on us. But how do we know how to encode and decode these wordless messages? Now, if we presume that nonverbal communication is an invention of nature and evolution, then we can also presume that we must have acquired an inborn ability to sense it, detect it and use it. I do not know whether it is a special apparatus present in our brain or an invisible phenomenon called intuition, but I am convinced that we do have it. There is no other explanation for the fact that people from different countries, cultures, different social background are able to decode such universal feelings as: anger, happiness, sadness expressed nonverbally.


To conclude, nonverbal communication is a vast and complicated subject which we still are not able to understand completely. There is little doubt that all of us are more or less aware of the fact that it exists and we use it on a regular basis, but I do not think that enough attention is paid to its role and importance. Most people do not ponder over nonverbal communication and its determinants. They do not wonder, how we find nonverbal paths in the wilds of communication – they simply find it. They do it intuitively, subconsciously. Maybe it is because of some evolutionary relics or a peculiar sensor in our brain or because of the society and culture we grow up and live in. Or maybe there are other factors which I have not thought of. I believe that all of the phenomena mentioned above play a crucial role, as far as decoding and encoding nonverbal messages is concerned. I think it is not enough to focus on one of them and study it in detail. They cannot be discussed separately, because they are interconnected and together, as important aspects of human life, form and determine the complex phenomenon of nonverbal communication.

Sources:

1.      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonverbal_communication

2.      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonverbal_communication

3.      http://psychology.about.com/od/nonverbalcommunication/a/nonverbaltypes.htm

4.      http://www.andrews.edu/~tidwell/bsad560/NonVerbal.html

5.      http://dan.univerzita-online.cz/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/facial-expression.jpg

6.      http://aulaobertasanisidro.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/ROLEPLAY.jpg

7.      https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjlSNMkdNU5lMGpqsHI3bZ1VlupvqqSGhcm_i1Ldx-vlWn4_MZ2cfaPCSrblo8S_1RVz8Eo4bzTphFemhNYQQIRVMyRQnsziQ7iHyPHN1R_g5AVahltHqylr3wxpeBVL9lrmK45VgOWc0/s320/para.jpg

Comments

Non-verbal communication is very complicated part of psychology. The hardest thing is just to read the emotions and intentions of the people. Professionals can manipulate and cause incorrect understanding of other person to get some benefits. This knowledge of some communication techniques could have a big influence during the negotiation or public speaking. It is worth to look at the speeches of politicians to notice that. Each element and gesture is almost perfect. Perhaps not in Poland but in American politicians you see it clearly. Good example is a dog and tail. It’s very simple. If a dog wags tail to the right and to the left, it means that it’s happy. When it has lowered and curled tail, it means that it's afraid or in pain. It’s a pity that it isn’t that easy with people.
Unknown said…
I agree that non-verbal communication is extremely important. I only wonder, if it is possible to "train" it.
Because, as you have mentioned, it can be treacherous and can uncover our intentions or uncertainty. There is always a room for improvement for everything, but is it possible to train non-verbal communication perfectly to have absolute control over it?
Anonymous said…
I have something interesting to share. The BBC's test on how well do you detect the fake smile I had AFAIR only one wrong : http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/smiles/
PrzemekM said…
I think nonverbal communication definitely is acquired in the process of growing up and meeting people.
A very easy to prove by the difference.
People who live in big cities and their work requires negotiation skills are aware of the existence of such communication.
People who are living inside the small towns deal with serious but not requiring work, do not need this type of improvements of their own personality.

Nonverbal communication require in my opinion some other instincts. People are often misunderstand when they are talking or just singing. The great example is Czesław śpiewa who wrote song "I hate you poland" and has been criticized for lack of patriotism, what is not true if we know what the author had in mind
Great observation Przemek. I am talking about the difference between living in a big city and smaller town. I completely agree that out communication skills develop as we interact with other people. However, I think that it is not only about amount of these interaction but also about variety of people we meet. I mean the more different type of people you meet than the better your communication skills are because you learn how to react. It's just like getting out of your comfort zone. Moreover, I think that in order to develop this kind of skills you need to be a bit more intelligent than average.
It's very interesting question. In my opinion it is possible but it is extremely hard to master. Basically, in order to do that it must become something like your conditional reflex which means that most of the time you are not aware that you are doing it.
Mateusz Frycie said…
It's a good one. I've done more wrong, but still it's a pretty good benchmark
Mateusz Frycie said…
You can always try to master it. A good example of such skills are two firneds of mine (man and a woman). Both of them got great skills ( I could even say that both of them are trained very well) but they learned them and use them in different ways - she's an actress and he is a coach in a big corporation. They use it every day, getting better and better.
Mateusz Frycie said…
And from another side - what do you thing about all kind of messangers? For it it kinda kills the "non-verbal" part of communication between people. I can't see face, eyes, smile, gestures, poses... Just emoticons, but this way You can easily fake emotions and creat different meaning
This comment has been removed by the author.
Indeed, every messenger that use only text for communication kills the "non-verbal" part of human interaction. That's why I prefer meet somebody in person first, before starting chatting online. Without seeing someone and his/her reactions I think that it is usually impossible to really get to know anybody.
I have heard that it is a bit easier for women to notice non-verbal communication just because of their higher level of empathy and emotional intelligence. Therefore, I would assume that it is easier for them to master this skill. Don't you think?
MartaSB said…
Nonverbal communication is a very interesting subject. The first thing that comes to my mind when I'm thinking about it is my everyday routine at work - when we need to make an important conference or set up an important meeting we always go with doing that in person or at least via videoconference. For small matters we use teleconferences, which are ok for getting things done, but they definitely lack the ability to transmit non-verbal messages like e.g. body language.
rf. said…
I do believe that it's a matter of noticing details, and generally women are better at this. On the other hand, I do believe that men usually tend to train to control their nonverbal communication more. So as a result, women are always trying to find deeper meaning behind 'yes', 'no' or 'day was ok'. ^^
rf. said…
I've encountered
Error 404 - Page not found
after my fist try. Well, anyways I've done this before and scored high. Still I don't like the idea of the test - what is a 'fake' smile? One that you do because you want to (or are told to) instead of happening on its own accord? (as a result of watching funny movie for example?). I'm not convinced.
rf. said…
On the other hand, different people need different attitude. If you sped time selling IT gadgets in a big city for a while, you will have a hard time trying to sell a tractor to farmer.
Nonverbal communication is a very vast and important part of communication at all – it wouldn't be studied so much if it was otherwise, would it? Personally I believe that many the value of nonverbal communication is overstated, making it somehow more important than the actual message a person is trying to tell us. That said I don't think that studying nonverbal communications wouldn't allow to manipulate the discussion. Italians for example base their conversations on all other means of communicating than verbal – I know that for a fact :D Especially when it comes to body language. Tie the hands of two Italians and they will never be able to understand one another :P.
Mateusz Frycie said…
I would say that a fake smile is when You do it against yourself.
Mateusz Frycie said…
Haha...
Though I'm not Italien I also pretty often "use my hands" simultaneously with my voice. And I have too admit that not using this kind of communicatio during job interviews, meetings, presetations, or any other things like that is extremely hard.
Rafał Banach said…
I think that nov-verbal communication is even more important than verbal tone. Ours body language, facial expression, gesticulation can said about us more than anything else.
Unknown said…
Nonverbal communication is very important. In my opinion often this is more important than verbal communication. We send a signal, when we don’t talk with somebody. We often send signal, when we don’t know about it. We can’t control over its. I have heard that it is possible to train it, but most people don’t do it. In my opinion it will be long and very difficult process.
Unknown said…
"It says what we would never say. It shows our true nature.” I think that these are very important sentences. We can ascertain how people are when we see their body language. Words can’t tell us all emotions. The more emotional people are the more they gesticulate When someone depends on what he says, he gesticulates.It causes that text messages aren’t proper way for showing emotions during typing but they might reflect some of them. I consider live chat as better option.
Unknown said…
Taking in to consideration the fact, that nonverbal type of communication was one and the only way to communicate between people through long period of time, when verbal language was not even developed. Nonverbal communication in modern reality is the way of understanding people with different cultural background and different languages.By using nonverbal signals could be done a transfer of basic information and basic communication even in situation when both speakers have zero level in language (different language group for example).
Unknown said…
I agree that non-verbal communication is important, but I find this pie chart funny. How could you determine those proportions that accurately. For me those numbers cannot be constant, becauset it depends on a situation. For example during small talk with some newly met person, words are probably less important than when you are giving scientific speech.
Another thing is that form this chart, I can assume that when I'm great at my body language and how speak, I can easily offend someone and still get 93% good impression.
Maybe this chart was made for human-dog communication... That would be pretty much accurate. You can say to dog "I hate you" in a way you are saying "good boy!", and he will still be happy ;)
Unknown said…
Indeed, nonverbal communication is the way to understand the person, sometimes it helps to recognize lie or truth.
Michal Kulesza said…
In my opinion we don't even need to speak to communicate. It's easier to communicate being 'muted' that with tied hands. You can always present some action of cutting when you need fork, do gesture of drinking when you need water.

However I'm still curious how would one present 30-years mortgage credit. If you've got an idea please share it with me!
Mateusz Frycie said…
30-years mortgage credit could be tricky one:)
Would You concider sign language as a non-verbal communication?
Mateusz Frycie said…
As You could notice the chart is not mine. However the purpouse of it was to show how some people (test group) think about it. I agree with You that when we are talking about first impresion the body language is very important. If You feel unconfortable with the other person You gonna show it with your body even without thinking about it or saying a single word.
Mateusz Frycie said…
You can always put a emoticon in a text message to deliver "kind of non-verbal information'. But again, as I said before it can refer to fake emotions and mislead us.
Julia Osiak said…
After reading the article and the comments I right away thought about two tv series that I used to watch - The Mentalist and Lie To Me. The latter one is focusing exactly on non-verbal communication and if someone likes this subject combined with crime-solving, i think he/she would enjoy it.
Marcin Lyzwa said…
Generally it's not my topic at all. I can only say what i think about it and what i heard.
Non-verbal communication is very complex and important part of whole communication between persons. This kind of communication provide information subliminally. Your body language says a lot of things about you. When you meet someone first time the first look, first few seconds can tell you a lot of about other person, and the way this person move is equally important as spoken words.
Unknown said…
Yeah I think that it is really important skill for coaches, because they are somehow teaches how to influence your behaviour, how you can perform better, so he must master this field :)
Unknown said…
I believe that non-verbal communication is the most important part just because it's the easiest way to telling emotions and.. it's also the most primitive way of communication dating back to when we were not able to speak. It's like a base, and spoken language is meant to explain and elaborate on our body language.

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